Moving on
by charisma26
Summary: How did the people that knew Chris deal with his death? angst and fluff - multi-chapter! chapter one - Paige! Please R&R! :)
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Charmed does not belong to me! Sad face!

Paige tried so hard to push past her feelings and help her sister with the new baby, she had tried for the past two weeks but something inside her broke every time she saw those perfect green eyes – she couldn't even hold him, her own nephew and Paige couldn't even comfort him when he cried.

She wanted to, she wanted nothing more than to connect with that little cutie and watch him grow into the caring, neurotic young man she knew he would be, she wanted to be able to cuddle him and spoil him like any good auntie would but… her mind wouldn't allow her.

All she could remember was Chris dying, fading away and her not being able to do a damn thing to help him and that was probably the worst thing – the fact that she stood there, like a useless statue as her own flesh and blood suffered so much pain, it made Paige feel hollow inside just thinking about it.

The baby's wails then filled the air, the shrilling noise piercing through Paige's skull. Should she comfort him? Would she be able to? Could she do it? Standing on shaky legs Paige walked through to the living room, her posture looking so small and defeated. Piper was passed out on the sofa, wrapped up in a deep green blanket. Paige loathed to have to wake her up, the sleepless nights were catching up on her. So, nodding to herself she tip toed forward and leaned over the bassinet – and immediately a ton of emotions hit her at once.

She felt such love for her nephew but also a great sense of loss, pain, grief and hopelessness – she didn't think she would be able to comfort him, not yet, it was just too soon. She couldn't look at him and not see big Chris she just couldn't – and she understood why Leo was having such great difficultly too, it just hurt too much, the memories make Paige want to physically sick.

Paige was just about to turn away when the baby moaned and hiccupped, the cute little noise piercing through Paige's fogged up brain – maybe she should help him out, just this once, because if she walked away she would be the worst auntie ever.

So, taking a deep calming breath she walked back to where the baby was crying and leaned over the bassinet, putting on a small smile and picking him up gingerly, supporting his head.

"Shhh its okay, it's okay" She cooed, bobbing him up and down in her arms. His chubby little face smoothed out and peered up at her, mouth pinched together. Paige sucked in a breath – his eyes, those unmistakable bottle green eyes looked at her with so much love and trust she found it hard to breathe.

Along with that though there was something else, something so similar in those large green eyes that reminded her of the other Chris it brought tears to her eyes – why did she have to lose him? Didn't they deserve to at least have some happiness? Sniffling quietly to herself she wiped a tuft of hair away from his forehead, caressing the soft skin.

Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't so difficult after all.

Maybe, it would help her move on.

And maybe, she would be able to get past this rut she had been in ever since that fateful day.

Wiping a lone tear from her cheek she brought Chris closer to her chest, snuggling him like a child would a teddy bear – she could feel them bonding already and chastised herself for not doing this sooner. He was just an innocent little baby, she didn't need to punish him for something that was not his fault.

She may have lost the other Chris but she got him back just a few hours later and Paige would make sure she would never lose him again – because this little baby she was holding, snuggled contently in her arms, meant more to her than her own life.

"It's okay Chris I've got you, I've got you" She reassured, settling Chris down immediately and Paige sung him to sleep, watching as his eyelids fluttered shut and his small, fragile hand clasped onto her jumper like a lifeline.

Hope you enjoyed – should I continue?reviews appreciated! :) xx


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Charmed does not belong to me! Sad face! Thanks for all your lovely feedback! J

Phoebe would like to say she was coping with everything but in retrospect she wasn't, not by a long shot. She put on a brave face and a cheery smile hoping that fake happiness would make everything better – it didn't. The pain was still there, just as fresh as if it was yesterday, and she just willed it to go away.

Why did Chris have to die? She had asked herself that same question, over and over, for the past month but she still hadn't come up with a suitable answer. She knew he had to leave eventually but not in the way he did, that was just cruel and downright painful.

She never saw it herself and in some way she was glad – she saw the effect it had on Paige and Leo and knew that, if she too was there, she wouldn't be able to carry on the same way again because the memories would always be there, haunting her for the rest of her life.

Of course, she had a pretty good idea of what happened, despite not wanting to think about it. Chris faded away, dying in his father's arms, and Phoebe was glad that, at least, the last thing he saw and felt was one of people that loved him the most.

Phoebe felt herself tearing up and blinked away the tears. What good was it to cry? It wouldn't bring Chris back and it definitely wouldn't help Piper – she was barely holding herself together as it was, seeing her break down would just be horrendous.

Phoebe plonked herself down on the sofa, her legs suddenly feeling weak. Dammit she was supposed to be strong, be strong for her family but she didn't think she could do it. Even though she knew they hadn't really lost Chris, he was upstairs napping, it still didn't change the fact her nephew had died in one of the worst ways possible.

"Phoeb's, can you check on Chris please? There's a problem with the washing machine" Piper called through from the kitchen and Phoebe took a deep breath – don't think about that she chastised, she was supposed to be moving on not wallowing.

"Of course" She shouted, pulling herself from her comfortable sitting place and made her way up her stairs.

Unlike Paige and Leo she had connected greatly with little Chris – they got on like a house on fire and Phoebe found his adorable little snorts the most cutest thing in the world but every time she looked at him she just flashbacked to big Chris and his annoying smirks and neurotic ways.

Smiling to herself, trying to remember the good times, she tiptoed into Chris' nursery and looked into his bassinet – he was sound asleep, his small little fingers twitching and his pouty mouth curled into a small, content smile.

Phoebe let out a quit cooing noise, stroking his cheek. She knew he would be okay, they would make sure of that, and she knew, deep within, she had to move on but it would take time – she couldn't just wake up one morning and forget everything, it didn't work like that. Chris had been with them for over a year, impacting on their entire lives, she couldn't just erase that from her memory. And she didn't exactly want to. They may have had their ups and downs but that was family right?

Trying not to wake him up Phoebe leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead – she may have been too late to save him before but that would definitely not happen again, she wouldn't make that mistake again.

"I promise you Chris… what you did, it wasn't in vain and if you can hear me, by whatever miracle, I just want you to know… we all miss you, very much" She choked up, fighting back tears, "And we all love you so much" She sniffled and baby Chris opened his eyes , letting out a large yawn.

"Awww hey you" Phoebe greeted, wiping the tears away and gingerly lifting him from his bassinet, "What you doing up? Its nap time" She asked in a baby voice but of course Chris didn't answer, he just continued to stare up at her, those clear green eyes seeming too old for such a young person.

Phoebe just continued to hug him, caressing the back of his head and bobbing him up and down. She let out a smile, the first real smile she had let out in a month. Yes, Chris was gone but as long as they did their job right, Phoebe would see him again and she couldn't wait for that day – She was ready for the future.

Hope y'all enjoyed, thanks for all your support and your thoughts are very greatly appreciated! Xx J


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